So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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