and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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