Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
