Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
this is an emotional support booty call
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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