I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
