Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
