The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
birth control should be required to get into college
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
