So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
