i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
