Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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