I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
