I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
