maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize