I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
