it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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