god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
