i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
