somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
