You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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