how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
