If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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