I'm gonna have a badass scar
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
