Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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