Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
