Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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