every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
