Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
