no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
