Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
