I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
