I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize