it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
