is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
