Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
