So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
