After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
