Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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