Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
