Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
