You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize