If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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