Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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