If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
