Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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