eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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