I'm really into asian looking animals
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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