i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
