he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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