Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
