Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
