Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's rum buckets o'clock
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
