A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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