He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
