I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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