I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
