The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
