I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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