i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
