If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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