If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
