News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
