You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
