and you said cock pushups were impossible
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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