So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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