Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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