ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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