dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
