Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
