Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
