I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
