I want to stick my p in your. b.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
