I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
