I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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