I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
