mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
