i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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