Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
