Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize