I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
