I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
