i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
