oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
