You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
