Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
