Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
