mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
