Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
