you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
