2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
