Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
