Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize