So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
