My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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