Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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