I'm jealous of your bromance
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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