can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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